#and I like the gerbil man

[heartfall-syndrome]

I binged dungeon meshi, and I just needed to doodle this man.

He’s definitely my favorite atm lol

[omnipotentnothing]

GORGEOUS BEAUTIFUL WOMAN WITH GERBIL HUSBAND GR GAH GUH I LOVE HER

[rex101111]

Doctor, looking at Insider:...you look like what wet white bread tastes.

Insider: Well, I-

Doctor: If I hit you with a truck you’ll get transported to a generic fantasy world and gain at least a dozen girls with maybe like 2 personalities between all of you put together.

Insider: Now just wait a min-

Doctor: If you grew your bangs out I MIGHT say you look like a hentai protag, but those guys get laid and I don’t think you could convince a tentacle to have its way with you.

Insider: Did you just bring me here to insult-!

Doctor: YOU LOOK LIKE A GACHA PROTAG FROM MAHOYO WITH NONE OF THE COLOR OR LIFE.

[akascow]

wearing rings normally freaks me out and i dont wear them ever because im too scared my finger is gonna swell up for whatever reason and the ring is gonna cut off bloodflow and im gonna have to saw the ring off (or my finger) because thats so embarassing to think about being in that situation

bUt i do love clinking them against counters and glass cups its so fun

[chromanticore]

Guys help I need to be reminded that I do NOT want or need bangs.

[lesbianbishounen]

me when i remember that i actually have to draw things for them to exist and not just think about it really hard

[kaleidofreak]

sometimes i forget how fucking weird and unhinged some south park episodes are like imagine your non south park friend walks into the room as your explaining and your just like ‘yeah and so the b plot of the episode is that lemiwinks the gerbil gets shoved up mr slaves ass and has to journey up the digestive system whilst previously shoved-up-his-ass dead animal spirits guide lemiwinks through the gay mans body’ like i’m sorry what

[kakashixhatakesxwhore]

omg I just find you and your writings are amazing♥️

Can you please do some husband headcanons please?

surely, i can try my best, thanks for the ask!!

Husband Headcanons I

for Iruka, Kakashi, and Itachi (with wildcard appearances from Jiraiya and Obito) (GN!Reader)

Your fav isn't mentioned? Check out Husband Headcanons 2!

Warnings: couple swear words, couple sexual references (Reader Discretion advised), fluff, lmk if this sucks

Masterlist💿

Iruka

Would suggest the springtime for the wedding, but Iruka would still happily marry you whenever your heart desired

Danced with you throughout the entire reception, only getting tipsy (enabling you to get comfortably inebriated)

Begs to carry you over the threshold like a gentleman, and the two of you spent the whole night consumating the union

Best sex you had ever had, and Iruka was of the same mind - both of you were totally in your element on your wedding night, and couldn't stop until noon the next day

Honeymoon takes place in the Land of Flowers, within a small settlement near the coast

Iruka pays for a week's stay at an Inn, and the two of you spend the days watching the water and walking through wildflower fields, collecting colourful, fragrant bouquets as you went

Domestically, such a teamplayer - Iruka will happily do the dishes after you cook dinner, and vice versa, he'll mop after you sweep, he turns on lights for you while you open windows

Would happily have a pet, probably a cat (orange or calico), but wouldn't be opposed to something a bit more spunky like a gekko or a rat

Dances with you in the living room while it rains, takes you (and your pet) out in the sunshine - he just loves to spend time with you and be with you

Kakashi

The wedding was small, kept to just close friends and your immediate family, probably just within the courthouse with a nice little reception after

Kakashi would carry you all the way from the reception to your shared apartment, right over the threshold, and it would take only a Hokage-level emergency to get him away from you after

Can't take a very long honeymoon because of his duties as Hokage, but will take you out for a long weekend in one of the coastal villages of the Land of Fire

Despite the long hours he works, Kakashi is the most attentive husband ever

Fresh flowers decorate a crystal vase on the coffee table, replaced every week, the trash is always taken out without you having to ask, he'll surprise you with full breakfasts on the weekends AND do the dishes after

Gets all bubbly every time he hits someone with a my spouse and is constantly bringing you up in conversation just to do so

Many nights are spent cuddling on the couch after dinner, reading independantly

You want a dog? Lovely! Kakashi wants a dog. You want a cat? Great! Kakashi wants a cat. A bird? A snake? A gerbil? Bring it on, that sounds fun.

Such a funny man, still needing to parade around the village with you in his arm, as if not everybody is already aware

Itachi

We're doing an Everything'sFine!AU because I'll cry otherwise

Massive wedding, so many floral arrangements, easily half the village shows up, Itachi cannot stop smiling the entire day

Literally tears up at the altar when he sees you, can't contain himself, you're such a vision

Takes you to the Land of Waterfalls for the most peaceful honeymoon of all

You two spend a week, or two, meditating with each other, drinking special teas, swimming for hours, wrapped in a lover's embrace that knits your hearts together even closer

Of course, in the hustle and bustle of the weekdays, Itachi establishes Saturday as Cleaning Day, and will clean the entire house, top to bottom, by himself (but will very much appreciate any help you provide)

Sunday is the day Itachi reserves to spend with you, either out on the town, or in the house, resting and relaxing together

Compliments every single look of yours as if it's the first time he's ever seen you, Itachi just can't believe his luck, and gets heart palpatations every single time he hears you call him your husband

Gets way more vulnerable after marriage, allowing himself to open up with a different level of confidence

Jiraiya

Destination wedding so people don't want to come, he wants the ceremony to be perfect and intimate

Gets so fucked up at the reception that you have to carry him over the threshold

He's such a sweetie about it when he wakes up though, apologising and fucking you reaaal good the entirety of the next day

Takes you on a month of travel, literally to every single Land

Writes you special poems and stories to wake up to while he's cheffing up the best breakfasts ever

Writes an entire book about you, and it was a best-seller

No one makes a better cup of tea than Jiraiya, and he's always got a tea ready for when you wake up, when you come home, after dinner

The absolute king of being in the same room while doing separate things, you're in his lap or holding his non-dominant hand, and every once in a while you'll share a brief kiss that might evolve into something a bit more distracting

Hugging and kissing as soon as you come home - he missed you so damn bad and needs to let you know

Is a very organized messy, but not at all dirty, Jiraiya doesn't mind when you clean up after him but would honestly prefer you didn't (he can't find things after, even if you tell him exactly where you put things)

Birthdays, Anniversaries, any opportunity to shower you in love and gifts, Jiraiya will take it and run with it

He just adores you and lets everyone know about it

Obito

Goofball gets an Officiant Certification and marries the two of you, himself

His vows are so long and so sweet that you can't even get yours out without stuttering and crying

Obito whisks you away to the Land of Hotsprings for nearly a month, immediately after the rings are exchanged

Finds nothing more fun than going out on dates with you while married, he almost likes it more than when you two were just going steady

Can't stand to let you sleep while he's awake, no matter how poorly he feels about depreiving you of sleep

Kisses and hugs every time the two of you are reunited

Obito won't ever shut up about you when you're apart, and it gets on everyone's nerves but Konan who finds his musings sweet

Lives, loves, laughs domestic life - he will do anything to make you happy, including the most grueling chores (those fucking baseboards)

Always makes you laugh, no matter how you're feeling, and he loves your laugh more than anything

[inktopuck]

miss honey | jack hughes social media au

yournamelastname

Liked by elblue6, l_hughes06 and others

yournamelastname i start my big girl job tomorrow eeeeeeeeeeeek

jackhughes i am so sorry for those kids

yournamelastname says the dudebro who shouldn't even be allowed to reproduce

jackhughes just because of that.......... i'll reproduce HARDER

_quinnhughes oh my god what are you even saying

jackhughes i will not only reproduce... but have like 10 kids

yournamelastname you couldn't even take care of the luke's gerbil

jackhughes oh my god LET IT GO

l_hughes06 #justiceforsprinkles

elblue6 very proud of you! go change lives

yournamelastname i'll try <3 thank you mrs. hughes!!

jackhughes

Liked by nicohischier, njdevils and others

jackhughes great summer! time to lock in for the season!

l_hughes06 i really look hot in that first one, great choice

colecaufield oh yeaaaaaah

trevorzegras why does quinn always look like someone's holding him at gunpoint

njdevils let's go Devils!

nicohischier stop posting pictures of yourself, we start camp in 10 minutes

yournamelastname jimmy always looking so sharp, he puts you three dummies to shame every damn time

_quinnhughes it's a special talent

jackhughes oh my god get out let me live

yournamelastname

Liked by _quinnhughes, l_hughes06

yournamelastname my students gave me wings you guys 😭 GREAT first day!

l_hughes06 and you got NONE for me?

yournamelastname they're very selective about who they give wings to

l_hughes06 😩

yournamelastname well if you come over for story time one day... maybe 👀 in your jersey!

l_hughes06 thanks for the reminder, i thought i was supposed to go shirtless

trevorzegras *louder than everyone else* heyyyyyyyyy

_quinnhughes don't even think about it

jackhughes aw you made friends for the first time

yournamelastname i have tons of friends

jackhughes yeah like who

yournamelastname your mom

njdevils

Liked by curtislazar95, colecaufield and others

nhl First goal of the preseason goes to...

nicohischier let's go!!!

jesperbratt the man the myth the legend

colecaufield nobody's ready for him!

trevorzegras hey i know this guy..

yournamelastname i have this very strong urge to push him

l_hughes06 do it

yournamelastname if you cover for me with security......

jackhughes don't you have finger paintings to do or something

yournamelastname all done! do you want me to show you the one i made for you? only one finger was used!

_alexturcotte stop fighting in the nhl's comments you weirdos

pt. 2

[hedwig221b]

Kinda a two part question? Do you have supernatural Stiles recs? (really craving mermaid stuff but all kinds is very loved) and have you thought of writing supernatural Stiles?

and anon asked:

Do you by chance have any creature Stiles or mermaid recommendations? Thank you so much for helping us find stories to read and for writing such wonderful stories!

First of all, thank you! Secondly, to the first anon: I do have a supernatural!Stiles fic, it's called Predators and it's one of my best fics 🖤 I do plan on writing oracle!Stiles, but otherwise, no. Maybe, in the future, I am open to the idea!

So, here are the recs (including merman!Stiles 🧜🏽‍♂️)

Predators (creature!Stiles)

He was born for this. Nature itself whispered into his ear where he should put his hands, how to twirl his tongue just right and when to bite. Stiles knew well enough that his saliva was currently working its magic on this unfortunate man, making him hungry, lustful, and insatiable. Soon, all his thoughts would be consumed by Stiles. And, just this once, Stiles would allow Derek to consume him.

Sui Tollech Gwanna Tach Omen by jackgyeoms (mer!Stiles)

Mermaid AU. Stiles was five when he first realised that not everybody grew a tail when they entered water.

No Oceans Left by zoemathemata (mer!Stiles)

Stiles has always been a merman. He just never knew how to tell anyone. He hasn’t shifted since his mom died.

It’s A-Boat Time! by Fae_vorite, isthatbloodonhisshirt (mer!Stiles)

He could hear the others talking outside, Scott and Isaac freaking out over something and Stiles snapping at them to shut up and help him get inside. “Dude, how the fuck can you expect me to stay calm right now! Seriously, that’s a fucking tail!” “We can talk about it later, just get me inside before someone fucking sees me! I don’t want to end up in a fucking aquarium!” “Christ, you’re heavy!” Isaac grunted. “How much does this thing weigh?!” “Shut up and walk,” Stiles snapped.

The Shells at the bottom of the Sea (mer!Stiles)

The one where Stiles is a seal merman trying to fit in with the sharks.

Mermaider by nothing_left_sacred (mer!Stiles)

“So what you’re saying is; you’re a mermaid princess.” Erica concluded. “Yes, clearly. That is what I am saying. Thank you for putting it so concisely.” Stiles sassed, frowning at her. He wasn’t fucking Ariel; this was so far from being a Disney movie it wasn't even funny. Or the one where a perfectly normal Beach Vacation escalates way too quickly, because this is Stiles' life.

Somewhere to Start by Lissadiane (fae!Stiles)

Stiles has always known that he isn't quite human - the plant life that tends to sprout around him whenever he gets upset or excited gives it away. He's never really fit in among the regular people in Beacon Hills and is determined to wait it out, go to college, and find somewhere to belong. He's forced to abandon those plans, however, after he desperately agrees to enter into an arranged marriage to save his father's life. An arranged marriage with an angry, sometimes furry dude with trust issues. It's all very Beauty and the Beast, without the singing candlesticks.

The Last Chills of Winter by LeeHan (fae!Stiles)

“He didn’t magically charm me,” Derek shot back in his defense. “Oh, so he just regular charmed you?” Laura said with a smirk. “What? No,” Derek growled. “Was he hot?” “No! He just—“ He just had a laugh like a sun shower. Fuck.

Faith, Trust, And Pixie Dust by Val_Brown (fae!Stiles)

Since he was a baby he had kept it a secret. Something that he shared with his mom. But when something comes after him and attacks his pack, he has to share his secret with them. He knows they won't judge him, hello, they sprout claws, fangs and some wicked sideburns. But he changes to the size of a gerbil and has wings and pretty much farts pixies dust on everything. Using his new alliance with Peter, Stiles charges in, pixie dust flying to rescue his pack when they are captured by renegade hunters with a strange vendetta.

Bite the Moonlight & Bleed Gold by raisesomehale (creature!Stiles)

He waits until he and Allison are the only two left in the room. “This is a joke.” Allison says, “Have you ever known my grandpa to have a sense of humor?” “Really?” Derek’s eyebrows are halfway up his forehead, as he gestures to the word that has been printed under Creature Type on the paper. “‘A Merman’? They’re a myth. No one has ever seen one, let alone caught one.” Allison leans forward to skim through a few pages and draws out a photo that she sets back down on the paragraph he’d been reading. In it, a marble white ribcage crests the dark, prussian blue of a midnight ocean, the only part of the body visible besides a thrashing, predominantly red tail, curved jaggedly through the waves. “This image was lifted from Deucalion’s personal channels,” Allison tells him. “His people are keeping the discovery all hush hush, which means they managed the photo, but probably haven’t captured the thing itself yet.” She gives Derek a significant look, “Gerard wants us to get our hands on it first.”

a dying breed that still believes by paxlux (wingfic)

He thinks, Mom, we can do this, we’ll fly.

Hot Pocket Ratio by ShippersList (incubus!Stiles)

At the threat of the alpha pack, all Derek wants is to keep his pack safe and alive. As the last resort, he tries summoning a demon to help with fighting the alpha pack. He gets a bit more than he bargained for. Or, the story where the classic demon deal of "Will you pledge your firstborn to me?" takes some unexpected turns.

There’s A Beast In My Heart (He’ll Only Bow To You) by RayShippouUchiha (creature!Stiles)

“Stiles.” Derek fucking whimpers and if Stiles wasn’t already dying he’d kill himself for making Derek sound so hurt. Stiles just wants to protect him so much sometimes because no one else ever seems to realize that Derek is so goddamn fragile and Stiles hates them all a little bit for not being able to see that. Or In an effort to expel the Nogitsune Stiles is given the bite but it all goes horribly wrong.

A Most Unusual Hoard by churkey (dragon!Stiles)

Stiles turns into a dragon and no one can figure out what he's hoarding…

My Childhood Spat Back Out The Monster That You See by rightsidethru (demon!Stiles)

Appearances can be deceiving. Caught by hunters, Derek immediately dismisses his gangly, fellow prisoner as a pressing concern. After all, the amber-eyed teenager couldn't be more than one hundred and forty-seven pounds soaking wet. What type of threat could he possibly be? (The answer: a large one.)

9/10ths of the Law by tsukinofaerii (demon!Stiles)

Stiles discovers the hazards of growing up a real boy when, at heart, he's not a real boy at all.

You Were Never Meant to Know by Mooneye (demon!Stiles)

“Not a fan of exorcisms, Stiles?” the figure asked as though he were enquiring about the rain. “Not really. I could spew black bile if you’d like more authenticity,” Stiles answered. “Stiles, what’s going on?” Scott demanded, unease growing. Stiles is a demon, always has been, and never intended for anyone to know. Unfortunately, his secret is forcefully revealed and he has nowhere to hide.

Blodrød by Onlymystory (demon!Stiles)

A demon possessing Alpha werewolves leads a crazed pack to Beacon Hills. He's been stuck inside werewolf minds, when all he wants is a nice human meatsuit. Humans in packs are rare these days and the demon is practically salivating at the thought of possessing Stiles. It's strong, and the pack was taken off guard, unable to protect Stiles before the demon takes control. But like the demon says…humans in packs are rare.

Blackbird by skoosiepants (shapeshifter!Stiles)

Stiles groans and drops his face into his hands. “I’m seventeen, I can kind of use mountain ash and I can explode houses when I’m mad enough. How am I gonna win any kind of magic fight?” “We’ll work on it,” Deaton says, as infuriatingly calm as ever. “The important thing to remember, Stiles, is that when everything else is chaos, you’re the port in the storm.” Or- Laura Hale never died, and Stiles is magic.

Other fic recs: pack mom!Stiles | angsty fics | historical AU | baby/mpreg | outsider POV | possessive Derek | smut | hurt/comfort | Stiles gets kicked out of the pack | mafia | BAMF!Stiles | omegaverse | witch!Stiles | bad friend Scott | magical!Stiles | unrequited love | werewolf!Stiles | dark sterek | single parent!Stiles

[vilhelios]

— IF YOU'RE THE SACRED SCRIPT, I AM THE HIEROPHANT.

( if you're the holy church, i'm gonna worship . ) ; the old, dusty tomes that amund gives you state that the lemurian gods are perfect, flawless beings. not a single scar or freckle adorns their skin, no emotion creases their hallowed faces.

cw: fluff !!! ; established relationship ! ; abysswalker!rafayel <3 + brief mentions of god of the sea rafayel; slight spoilers for rafayel's sea of golden sand and forgotten sea (?) myths + siren's song anecdote; i am the self-proclaimed ceo of lemuria world building (lemuria lore headcanons!) 💪 ; not beta-read !!!

" THE GODS ART PERFECT BEINGS — FLAWLESS IN FORM AND IN ESSENCE ; THEIR SKIN IS UNMARRED, NAY SCAR OR FRECKLE ADORNS THOSE DIVINE. NAY LINE OF EMOTION MARKS THEIR HALLOWED, PRISTINE VISAGE. "

"RAFAYEL?" you ask, your voice so loud in the quiet dark of night. a hum, a shift in the arms that hold you. "i heard that the gods are perfect."

“they are supposed to be, yes.” rafayel murmurs, hands gently carding through the strands of your hair. the desert is quiet tonight, not a single howl of wind, or a curious fennec fox or gerbil, race across the expanse of sand. the only sounds in your ears are the mingled breaths and synchronised heartbeats of you and your dear abysswalker, tangled beneath the sheets in your shared tent.

his blue-pink eyes stare, searching your gaze. the dark circles beneath them are prominent in the shadows cast by the silvery moonlight. you watch as he takes in a deep breath, and then exhales: "... what books did amund give you today, my love?"

"you know very well that all amund gives me are books and scrolls about lemuria," you huff, thinking of the stack of dusty old books the old man had shoved into your hands at noon, "which would not bother me, if he did not sneer so condescendingly while he gave them to me."

"alright, alright." he sighs, there will be things to discuss with amund in the morning, if the slight exasperation in his tone is anything to go off of. and then, he asks, voice gentle: "what did you learn about the gods, my heart?"

" OUR GOD OF THE TIDES HATH BEEN TAINTED. HIS SKIN HATH BECOMETH SPECKLED. HIS HEART HATH BEEN SURRENDERED. NAY LONGER PERFECT IS HE, WHO IS'T HATH, IN LOVESICK FOLLY, GIVEN BOTH LIFE & DOMAIN. "

"they say you are no longer perfect." you murmur, brushing your lips against his jawline, "using their definition, perhaps they are right. you have scars, and little beauty marks."

"the scars are inevitable. you should know it yourself, my heart." he sighs, solemn, "but they dissolve with us during each seamoon ceremony — i am not reborn with the scars of my past."

"and the beauty marks?"

he hesitates, a bit. there's a far-away look in his eyes that you've grown used to seeing. "they persist and accumulate." rafayel states eventually, as if it's fact, "new ones appear, but i never lose them."

"you never lose them?" you echo, and he nods.

leaning into him, you inspect his face as best as you can in the moonlight. your lips graze his cheek, right above where one lies below his eye. another lies at the tip of his nose, and you repeat the action, rafayel's breath hitching beneath your touch. another sits at the bridge of his nose, and you feel his eyelashes flutter against your skin as you continue.

"there is something about them, in the books." you start, a hand coming up to cup his cheek. rafayel leans into the warmth of your touch (after all, you think, grimly, a stray dog will take all the food it is offered, afraid to go hungry again), and you continue with a smile against his skin, "they say that they represent where your lover loved to kiss you, in your past lives."

rafayel hums, holds you ever closer in his arms, considers the thought. when he falls silent, you know he is aeons away; somewhere below the waves, somewhere thirty thousand years away—you patiently wait for his return, like the shore that welcomes a weary sailor home. a gentle kiss is pressed to right above where his heart should be, and another in the middle of his collarbone. it's instinct, second nature, as natural as the way waves lap at the shoreline and leave seafoam in their wake.

"perhaps there is some truth in that." he finally says, returned to your side from his reverie. he presses a kiss to your temple, a gentle smile against your skin, "after all, it seems you still do as you used to, even now. determined to uphold tradition, are you?"

( & aeons ago, beneath the waves, lies the first mark; the first bearer of sin in eden. a young god of the sea laughs, a rumble in his chest, as his beloved kisses right above where his heart should be. every touch is reverent, like tending to an altar. it is no wonder, then, that he entrusted his heart to such a devout worshipper — after all, it will be in loving hands. )

a/n : hi hi hi i think lnd needs to CALM DOWN with all the rafayel banners or i'm gonna intervene. quite rushed and not as deep symbolism woooo as the last one because i was in a haze.... abysswalker my beloved is as odd to write as usual but i think it's not too ooc... also this is just a little manifesting/tribute thing for my god of the sea rafa myth pulls today i want him to come home !!! i'm so so excited for the myth story !!!! good luck to anyone pulling! may the god of the sea give us his heart without us needing to open our wallets 🫧💕 if you sent in a request recently for the follower event, thank you! it'll still be a bit until i can answer them, but it shall be done !!! <3 will be crossposted to my ao3 if you prefer the fic being in actual capitalisation and in normal text!

update: i had to drag him home with 130 pulls ,,,, i also spedran the myth,,, guh buh,,, whadahell,,, someone please talk to me about them,,,,

[msgexymunson]

The Food Of Love

Description: Eddie and his love for food (and you) 

A/N: just a sweet little piece to sate you before some other chunky fics are posted! Plus, I know the way to a man's heart is through their stomach, and I want to feed this boy. 

Warnings: language, just fluff really, allusions to smut, established relationship. Gender neutral reader. (Any issues please let me know!)

1.2k words

Masterlist

The first time Eddie says he loves you, it's with a mouthful of the food you made him.

"Sweetheart, what you doing?" 

Strong arms snake around your waist as you face the kitchen counter, mixing ingredients in a bowl with a scavenged spatula. The kitchen in the trailer is rough and ready, but you bought the ingredients and goddamn, you just need to feed this boy. If only to thank him for the countless orgasms he's given you. 

"I'm making pancakes." 

You smile, his hands wandering over your waist and hips as he crowds your back. God he smells good; bodywash, and skin, and weed, and Eddie.

"Really? I don't see pancake mix." 

Laughing, you turn to face him. 

"It's called cooking babe. I'm making them from scratch. Just sit down and let me feed you." 

With a smirk and a peck to your lips he perches on the tiny table top, long legs swinging like a child. 

You turn to finish mixing, and put the gas on, heating up a frying pan lined with oil and butter.

One, two, three pancakes finished; flipped and stacked onto a plate. Adding some maple syrup and chopped strawberries, you hand him the plate and a fork. 

Turning to start your own pancakes on the heat, you hear Eddie literally moaning behind you. 

"That good babes?" 

"Umph." 

Laughing, you turn to face your boyfriend. His cheeks are stuffed full of pancakes like a gerbil, and he's staring at you with wide wet eyes. His words are muffled with food, but unmistakable.

"I fuckin' love you sweetheart." 

Goggling at him with your mouth slightly parted, you can't help but say, "I think you just love the food." 

He swallows the enormous mouthful and smacks his lips. 

"Nope, that just… pushed me over the edge, I guess. I love you." 

Throwing your arms around him, you envelop his maple smeared lips in a sweet kiss. 

"I love you too Eddie." 

He grins, and your eyes begin to grow wet, so you turn away to flip your pancakes, and to wipe away the clandestine tears. 

********************

The first time Eddie says he wants to marry you, he's shovelling your food into his mouth. Again. 

You place the plate down in front of him, and watch his little nose wrinkle. 

"What… is that?" He says disgusted, pointing to a green bit sticking out of the spaghetti and meatballs you made him for dinner. 

"It's spinach babe, it's good for you." 

He pokes it as if it's about to jump and attack, and looks back at you, gazing with a defeated expression.

"Do I have-" 

"Eddie, I made this just for you. So, if you don't eat it, I'll be upset. OK?" 

You knew that would work. He twirls a meatball in his fork, gathering some pasta, and even makes sure to add the offending spinach leaf. 

When it reaches his mouth, the noise he makes is reminiscent of his orgasm sounds, just slightly muffled. A large hand encapsulates yours, gripping firmly as if you'll float away if he doesn't. 

"I'm gonna marry you sweetheart." 

It's cloaked in food, but you hear it. How couldn't you?

"Eddie-" 

Swallowing, he grasps you with his other hand, forcing you to meet his gaze. 

"I'm serious, I'm gonna marry you, and have kids, and they are gonna love these meatballs. Spinach and all." 

Laughing, you pull your hand away, and start to eat your own food, warmth in your tummy expanding and enveloping you at his words. 

********************

The first time you tell Eddie he'll be a great husband, it's with a mouthful of food. 

Coming home from a hard day at work, you kick your shoes off and rub your aching feet for a moment.

"Eddie, baby I'm home!" 

"I'm in the kitchen sweets!" 

You follow his voice, through the tiny hallway of your shared apartment and into the living space. The entire kitchen is in disarray. Pots and pans are laying around with remnants of meals inside, used and forgotten. Grody cooking utensils have been deposited on any available side. Somethings dusting the floor; maybe flour? 

You approach the love of your life, taking in his unexpected outfit. His usually unruly hair is swept back into a low bun, and he's tied one of your stripy cooking aprons around his waist. It should look weird, since he's not wearing a shirt, but with the muscles in his shoulders fully displayed and the tattoos playing peekaboo with you, you can't find it in you to mind. 

A stray dusting of flour is on his cheek. Reaching him, you swipe it away with your thumb. 

"Eddie, what are you doing?"

"I'm making dinner! Chicken pie, just like you made before. And dessert is in the fridge!" 

His smile splits his face in half, warming your insides. 

"Well, ain't I lucky." 

"Damn straight. I even got wine, here you go." 

He hands you a glass, filling it from wine in the fridge. It's a crisp white, one you've bought before that he remembers you like. 

You perch at the small dinner table, the solid wood one you rescued from a neighbour's yard that just needed a little love, and you're waited on. 

The chicken pie is great; the pastry could've had more time in the oven but the filling was perfect. When you're finished, Eddie hands you a chocolate mousse, with whipped cream and a swirl of orange peel on the top. 

"It's chocolate orange mousse, I got it out of a recipe book I bought. You like it?" 

Eddie's practically on tenterhooks, bouncing both knees with his eyes fixated on you. 

Honestly? It's incredible. Just the right texture and consistency, and the right amount of orange. One of the best desserts you've had. 

But, it isn't just that. It's the restless demeanour, the keenness of his smile, the deep eyes full of feeling. 

With a mouthful of chocolate orange mousse, you stare at him with wet eyes. 

"You're gonna make a great husband one day." 

You swallow, and stare again. 

"Wait, scratch that. You're gonna be a great husband to me, one day." 

He grins manically at you, pride etched in his face.

"Yeah?" 

"Hummm." You turn your head as if deliberating something. 

"What?" 

'Just thinking, could we take the rest of this dessert to the bedroom? I could show you how grateful I am."

You wink, and Eddie's eyes nearly roll back inside his head. 

"Oh, if this is being your husband then fucking sign me up!" 

[biapascal]

Childood Besties.

Request: hi! how are you? if you're taking requests i would love one with paul mescal <3 him and reader were childhood friends and always had feelings, but they stop seeing each other because life, collegue happens (the usual) and when the both are adults the meet again during the holidays and it's so cute, pleasee!!! thanks, have a lovely day <3

Hi love! 🤎🫧 Hope you like this!

Summary: reader name is Millie. Childood best friends. Fluff fluff fluff 🪶

Warnings: loss of a parent.

You met him at the playground. Your hands were covered in dirt and he was playing with toy cars next to you. You didn't even bother to ask him to join you: you were building your fort and didn't want any unwanted visitors.

"It's going to fall" he said. "What?" You tilted your head and he pointed to your construction. "It's going to fall." You found it annoying. "No, it's not" you replied. He smiled softly. "All right then, can my cars come by, they need gas."

"Yes, I have gasoline in there."

🫧🫧🫧🫧🫧🫧🫧🫧🫧🫧🫧🫧🫧🫧🫧🫧

You didn't want to get this tattoo. You hated the idea of the ink taking root in your skin, you would have felt damaged. You spent the night before scrolling through Pinterest looking for inspiration. You chose the seahorse because it reminded you of the days you spent with him at the beach. You didn't even like it that much, but you were tired of searching. Your father died and you felt the need to get a tattoo. You thought it was stupid, but you felt it was the right thing to do. They had just opened a tattoo parlor in your own city. A friend recommended it, and you didn't have the time or inclination to look elsewhere. Gia got a tattoo there: A small gerbil on the collar bone. It was cute, and that was enough for you to understand the skills of the tattoo artist. You arrived with the picture ready to be shown, and seeing Paul was unexpected. The two of you were childhood buddies until eighth grade: he started playing soccer and you didn't care about his hobbies anymore, so you found other friends. You didn't leave him with hatred, but over the years you wondered what your teenage years would have been like around him. You even had an innocent crush on him during seventh grade, but you never told him because you felt he already knew and didn't say anything so as not to break your heart. After high school he disappeared from your sight. You followed him on social media and saw that he got a girlfriend. She was hot and he seemed happy. You weren't jealous, but you couldn't help but wonder what he would be like as a boyfriend.

When you saw him that day, he was single and in great shape. "Mills!" He greeted you. "Damn, I didn't expect to see you” you chuckled. "Yeah, me neither." He was cleaning a table and seemed relaxed and happy to see you. You'd be lying if you said he wasn't a fine man. "How are you??"

Shitty: Your father just died and you got a college degree in marine biology while working at Starbucks. You managed to smile despite the horrible feeling inside you. "Well" you didn't even want to lie. "My father just died..." his eyes widened in shock. "Jez Mills, I'm so sorry” you nodded, used to those words. "I was actually going to get a tattoo for him, it's stupid and clichéd I know..."

“Well, I don't judge. If you feel it's something you want to do to remember him, that's fine.” He said. He was always good at drawing and for years he had to choose between following his soccer career or an artistic path.

The seahorse was perfect.

You smiled. "Thanks, it's really cute" he got up from his seat. "I know I shouldn't ask, but why a seahorse? Did your dad introduce you to marine biology?" you shook your head. "I actually picked a seahorse yesterday” you admitted, blushing a little. He smiled amused. "Really?" you nodded. "I was thinking about my memories with him, and I remembered him teaching me how to swim, and then, you know... I just picked a sea creature". You were about to put on your jacket and leave when he stopped you. From the look on his face, you could tell he wasn't sure what he was going to say, and you felt strange. "Look, I know it's been a while..." he began. "More than a while, we were kids then" you added. "Yeah, but I just got here, my old buddies don't live here anymore, the town has changed. Wouldn't you like to have lunch together, talk a little and get to know our grown-up versions of ourselves together?" It was an interesting way to ask someone out. "Yes" you nodded with a warm feeling in your chest. "Sure. Monday is okay?"

You didn't know if this was a date, but you still had to look nice. During the holidays, the city embraced your Christmas spirit with comfort and cute decorations on the streets. You waited for him outside the pub, and when you saw him, you couldn't help but feel attracted and wished this was a date.

Christmas music was playing in the background, but the atmosphere was gone. Paul must have noticed your discomfort and asked you if you were okay. "Yeah, yeah, it's just” you looked around. "It's loud" he nodded. "We can go somewhere else if you want” you shook your head. "No, I really want a beer” he chuckled. "Okay, okay."

He has always been caring since he was a child. He seemed genuinely interested in how you felt. So when he started asking you about your family, work, and friends, you knew he wanted to know that everything was really okay.

"Yes, Mom got better and now I can say that the awful feeling of grief is slowly becoming less painful, but please, I want to know about your life” he felt uncomfortable and you wrinkled your eyebrows. "Sorry," he blushed. "It's just... I dropped out of college. Soccer was stressing me out and I was looking for a job" there was nothing to be ashamed of. "Hey, you have your own tattoo studio" he took a sip of his beer. "Why are you ashamed?" he sighed. "Well, all my friends went to college, even you..." you rolled your eyes. "Who cares, I have a degree and I work at Starbucks.” You raised your eyebrows. "Nothing against Starbucks, but after all those years of studying, it's not exactly what I wanted."

The lunch was great. It gave you a warm feeling. You felt comfortable around him and now you really wanted to get that tattoo.

When you arrived at the studio, he asked you where you wanted it. You blushed because you weren't sure. "Uh, how about the wrist?" he suggested. You nodded. "Is that a nice spot?" you asked. "Yes, it would look cute on you."

It was painful as hell, and when you got to the end and had the seahorse on your skin, you sighed in relief. He was there the whole time, working carefully and asking you about your pain. You wanted to stay in that chair with him for a little while longer, even if you didn't want to have another pain session. he noticed, and you both blushed. "How was it?" He asked. "Terrible, but the drawing is adorable," he smiled softly. "Glad you liked it."

You started to date shortly after. The first time he asked you out, he went to Starbucks and you felt embarrassed, but were happy to serve him and say yes. You have met several times. One day you were walking through the park and noticed that the playground had disappeared. "That's sad” he looked at you confused. You pointed to the place where you and him used to spent your childhood together. "The playground...they got rid of it" he looked surprised. "Oh" he started to walk and you followed him. You both tried to remember where the objects of your past were, pretending to see them. You were on the "swing" when he suddenly stopped and stared at you seriously. "Hey, what's going on?" He remained serious for a few seconds and then smiled, giving you a warm feeling in your stomach. "Nothing, just thinking” you scowled. "About what?" He chuckled. "Nothing, it's just... this place reminded me of when you had a crush on me" he admitted. You blushed and looked down. "Oh, so you knew then..." he nodded. "I was waiting for you to tell me" you widened your eyes in surprise. "Too bad you didn't and I was too cowardly to say anything myself". "So you... you had a crush on me?" he chuckled, obviously embarrassed. "Yeah." You both remained silent. "But I don't want to be a coward now, too” your eyes brightened. "Do you have a crush on me?" You asked. He nodded. "Yes, Mills, I like you and I'd like to kiss you if I that’s okay”you took his hand, colder than yours, but when your lips melted together you realized that the warmth was the same.

[bitterkarella]

Identifying furries by their fursonas

Fox- this is the default fursona for the default furry, namely a twink with a blown out fucked to death asshole

Vixen- Girl fox referred to as a vixen is an egg, girl fox just referred to as a fox is an out trans woman

Kistune - the same as above but weeb flavor

he-wolf - a greasy guy who weighs 12 pounds soaking wet and wears a fedora. republican.

she-wolf - the butchest bull dyke you ever saw

coyote - manic depressive. always on something. the drug connection at any furry party

Cat- always a woman

black cat - could be any gender but always goth

kitten/kitty - a trans sex worker, has an only fans they really want you to know about.

bobcat - older dude. wants people to think he's ex-military

Jaguar - an older black guy. will probably have the word "black" in his fursona's name

lion - just a huge asshole

tiger - another asshole. old. wants you to believe he's ex military or ex-police, probably a member of the dorsai irregulars. major grill dad vibes

jackal - a huge asshole and a slut. white gay racist, probably transphobic

cougar - either a trans woman or a terf. there's no in between

Horse - white woman who identifies as 2 Spirit or a guy who wants to be stomped on

Pony - gay nazi

unicorn - either the absolute gayest dude you can be or a 9 year old girl. sometimes a late in life transition

Tanuki - latino

badger - either a huge lesbian or an old avuncular straight guy. possible sex pest

Raccoon - nature's greatest mistake. too normie to be furry, too furry to be normie. dilf.

bat - either a goth or a real annoying shit (some overlap). invader zim fanboy. doesn't drink alcohol but claims to act crazy on "sugar highs." definitely has dabbled in webcomics

cow - a woman. maternal. mom friend or mommy dom. milf. possibly trans femme

steer - a big strong fat rough trade gay guy

sheep - mom vibes

pretty much any farm animal - mom vibes

domestic pig - wild card. might be a wet and messy fetish thing tho or a trash eating thing. loves to be stinky. loves to talk about being stinky.

wild pig - trans masc

skunk - either a fat beardy guy who has a tumblr blog about animation squash & stretch or a stoner gal. very straight. the straightest. a kinsey 0. has strong feelings about what the fandom used to be like before there were all these kids in it.

rat - is a huge asshole as a front, probably likes talking cigars

lemur - autistic

sloth - 420 blaze it. will never finish any commissions

chakat - an older cishet man who thinks the fandom is too political & refers to "anime" as "japanimation"

sergel - nazi

citra - the biggest dipshit you've ever met

procyon - furry equivalent of the thomas jefferson miku binder pic. you should not be talking to this person, this is a literal child

weasel - a girl with cluster b personality disorders

ferret - a person who has at least one pet ferret, but probably many

mole - this person thinks they're in a beatrix potter story

guinea pig/chinchilla/jerboa/gerbil/any kind of fat rodent you can keep as a pet - the sweetest person you will ever meet

armadillo/pangolin/anteater/aardvark - smug, contrarian. "i just wanna be different"

mouse - vore fetishist, prey. sub.

hyena - vore fetishist, pred. probably trans masc

otter - a dommy twink, possible enby

bear - gay

panda - absolutely a white person pretending to be asian. probably running a gofund me scam with a suspicious story about how they're a professional nintendo gamer who injured their hand or something

bullfrog - a huge fat hairy straight guy

any other frog - inflation or rubber fetishist

axolotl/newt/salamander - genderfluid enby

rabbit - trad wife trans woman

squirrel - autistic and gay

deer - gay

gazelle - zootopia megafan

monkey - punk DIY artist type, definitely loves weed

ape - absolutely baffling. nothing this person does or says makes any sense. you will be left wondering whether you're speaking to a child, a person with severe mental issues, or someone who doesn't have english as a first language

elephant - mom friend

hippo - a fat fetishist or a transformation fetishist

rhino - an older cishet dude who wants to project a curmudgeonly yet approachable aura

kangaroo - definitely not an australian person. extremely focused kinkster, usually feet or inflation. more STDs than should be possible to carry

koala - an asian woman

virginia opossum - anarchist/communist punk trans man who makes zines and/or comics

australian possum - just here to have fun. wants everyone else to be having fun too. wacky funster. (sugar gliders and flying squirrels fall under this category)

any other marsupial - poser

monotremes - extreme poser, don't even bother

doberman- gay dude who tops from the bottom or a cop (there is some overlap)

german shepherd - a nazi or a cop (there is substantial overlap). definitely a furry raider. he will wear his cop uniform to con and after con will post videos pretending that someone was rude to him

afghan - arch femme

basset hound - racist

puppy - sub, probably an egg. extremely draining. cries a lot

all other dogs - just dudes being bros (gender neutral)

dragon - the furries of furries. like to talk about eating "sammiches" and "chocklit." probably an adult baby lifestyler. they will send DMs that just say "hi." they like to RP and when they contact you about a potential commission they are actually just trying to trick you into RP

griffin - the same as above but also a brony

snake - sissy hypno fetishist

turtle - an old man, probably southern. an ironic grandpa.

other scalies - furry in denial. either a child or an old person from CYD. the world's last something awful goons

any fursona with latino vibes - white

any fursona with asian vibes - latino

any fursona with native american vibes - eastern european

avian - girl who's not like other girls. hippie. vegan.

raven/crow - agender voidgoth

chicken - mom vibes

dinosaur - the absolute biggest nerd. probably has an actual degree in paleontology. definitely dresses like miss frizzle.

any invertebrate - not a real furry, their girlfriend just made them get a furaffinity account before they could get ass. either that or they've never even heard of furry, they just came up with the idea of anthropomorphics from first principles. a biology teacher or weirdo (there is some overlap)

amoeba - this is a troll

[apclyptc]

i’m coming clean. i am OBSESSED with johnnie guilbert. also jake webber but johnnie is in my heart forever. my guilty pleasure is an emo boy cos i was HEAVY on the emo shit when i was younger. even now i am like if u put pierce the veil on or all time low imma buss down.

also a PSA to say that i also love zach justice like i would ride that man all night he is my white man of the year. i need him like a gerbil needs a running wheel.

i am a woman who has a variety of men on her influencer roster. not one of them looks the same.

also TARA YUMMY IS MY IDOL IVE LOVED HER FOR YEARS AND IM SO HAPPY SHES GETTING THE ATTENTION SHE DESERVES

[haveihitanerve]

Yet another one- You guys know the drill :) :

Sams appreciative smile of Tom’s introduction of the idea of what they're doing, amazing supportive friendship

“One man, six strangers” This audience member is fun!!! “I've seen that video1” Tom help-

“Theres only thhhreee people up here” yes good math Tom, very nice

“Bilbo Baggins finds a diamond.” “Strong rip-off vibes there” tom i cant

“The confused racist panda” the confused raci- wh-whatttt

“You lost us right in the middle there.” thank you for showing it with your hands Tom, i really needed that actually

“You get three very white guys on stage and go “lets talk racism” it doesn't end well.” With you three i think it might, but fair point- also i thought he was just grabbing a drink- wheres luke??? 😭

“Is that from Twin Towers guy?” ok i didn't see the first half of the show- but thats an insane way to be categorized/known, also AJ fucking losing it is always a gem, love that

Even sam had to hang his head for that one lmao what did you do twin towers guy???

“The excited chinchilla?” Glances around at Sam and AJ. “What do you guys like so far?” Genuinely my heart omg-

“I like the excited chinchilla- what does that, what does that look like exactl-” AJ you better be asking about what the scene could possibly look like and not what the animal-

“What does a chinchilla look like?” AJ please 😭

Also just to mention- when he started speaking Tom pointed to him and idk but it made something inside me smile so… mentioning it…. moving on

“Its like a cute little-” forms a ball with his hands. I gotta say Tom, thats pretty accurate. “Gerbil-y sort of thing.” Sam finishing his sentence i cant 😭

Also if Tom keeps pointing to them like that i might actually lose it-

“What he said.” I love them so much and i don't even know why this sentence specifically made me scream that but um… yeah

Sam and AJ just standing up, trying to figure out wtf they're gonna do…hoping inspiration will come from being elevated or smth ig

“You know some people get a dog i guess.” AJ i fucking love you-

His shrug also- cutest thing i've ever seen in my life

Ok idc where this relationship goes- but Sam and AJ being in love is rarely a thing and i didn't know how much i needed it until now but its adorable- Sam has the sweetest smile and AJ genuinely looks afraid of this nonexistent chinchilla but calmer the closer Sam gets and ahhhhh

Also sam talking about children😭i know they’re fake but planning a future together- my heart-😭

- i genuinely did not see Tom coming- XD losing my lung rn laughing what- and he does the raspy worker dude voice so well- help

“Thanks dad.” AJ marry me rn. 

HE EVEN CAUGHT SAM OFF GUARD!!!!!

“...chinchilla.” The way he said that- wh-sir why??? 

Sam and AJ are both also caught off guard- oh this is gonna be a fun one i can tell- literally both breaking together at Tom’s strange growl 

“Was this your idea?” Perfect gruff disapproving dad Tom, 10/10

“One moment sweetheart.” yes yes!!! Protect your daughter, take aside the boyfriend/husband???-it hasn't been established yet- and then… idk what actually but yes i love how gentle he was to AJ lol

“Listen i like you, yeah?” The audience understands lmaooo!! Sam thats never a good sign, run

Tom breaking- his little peek at AJ and then having to cover his mouth to hide his smile Ahhhhhhh so cute!!!

OH!!! He looked over because AJ was laughing at him- got it!!!

*AJ playing with the chinchilla* thank you captions- but im pretty sure that was just him almost dropping it-

“I think you've made a mistake here-” AJ wheezing

“Don't look at her-” “i love her!” THATS LOW SAM!!! THATS LOW!!! HE WASN'T TALKING ABOUT HIS DAUGHTER- HE WAS TALKING ABOUT THE CHINCHILLA!!!! WOWWWWWW

Ok im better now (fuckin hilarious also sam, stellar)

“Shh-shhhut up.” we always love the drawn out shhhhut up

“I don't mean my daughter,” thank you for clarifying tom

AJ is running out of things to do lmaooo- holding it up to the light, turning in a circle, ah zabenya-ing it

“Just keep your door locked at night yeah?” TOM WHAT THE FUCK DOES THAT MEAN??? HELLO????? I was not informed this was a horror story-

Sam is equally as confused as to where hes taking this- oh hes miming now

“At the bottom of your door you've got a- one of the draft excluders” tom what does that mean 😭

“I hope im overthinking this” you are, you so are, but i cant wait to see where this goes- oh my gods

“Keep your eyes open. Especially when you’re sleeping..” okkkk thats creepy and totally normal and what a father in law totally says-

AJ is tired of being a side character- lovely “boy chat??” idk what his hand movements are but im loving it

Sam side eyeing Tom is amazing

“You remember-” that lunge forward is worse than anything a chinchilla can do tom what- 

Also Sam and AJ breaking, they did not see that coming’

“They can feel you breathing… they can always feel you breathing.” Ok thats ominous but also why do i feel like thats a random fact that Tom learned about chinchillas that hes adding into the story??? Idk seems like a thing they can do, and a thing hed know, and a thing hed do

Sam perplexed beyond reason how they're gonna make this a functioning scene

“Maybe in the war.” *shrugs casually* AJ!!! SIR what do you mmmmmeannnnnnnn  in the war????? What

Sam also almost breaking and AJ casually laughing because whatttt did he just say how are they furthering this plot

also off topic- the little tongue in the cheek movement is great, lovely, top notch, idk love it

AJ biting his lip and needing to look away so that he doesn't completely break is my everything

“You're an accountant, I’m a lawyer.” thank you for giving us backstory Sam, greatly needed

“Falling in love with you was the best thing I ever did.” ……. SIR. How am I ever gonna find someone if you’re pulling these lines on your fucking friend while doing an improv show- 😭 the standards are too high already-

The kiss 😭

Sam’s squint at Tom like “what the fuck are you- what are we doing here? Do i move in- was that stagecraft?- what??” 

His shrug of “oh well fuck it I guess.” and moving a chair into scene while still shrugging at Tom bc he has no idea what to do

Sam repeating back all of Tom’s words in a slightly different font because he wants Tom to have control of the scene- and he has no ideas- 

AJ looking between them and doing three pretty blinks as he pieces together the story

“Gavin…” *nervous chuckle* “obviously theres a difference.” please tell him Tom, we’re all dying to know, him especially

“Ckkk” what does that mean Tom 😭i thought it meant castration at first but now???

AJ stepping forward- wanting to join the scene but he’s still not entirely sure wtf is going on and three confused scene partners is a recipe for disaster- and oop Tom has an analogy maybe wait-

“Let me finish the sentence.” the pose Sam does- help-

AJ’s slow smile as Tom continues the bad analogy

“Of course.” Sam you’ve never “ckk”ed anything what do you mean of course

“What you've done-” AJ’s little lean back and victorian hand over mouth chuckle is my favorite thing in the world he does it so much and it kills me every time its so cute

Sam loosing it- and Tom breaking on stage!!! Thats something you don't see often!!

“Venomous” VENOMOUS???? THATS THE METAPHOR??? IT ISN'T ONE????

Oh nevermind its still a metaphor

The brainstem????? Thats what “ckkk” is?????

Im so confused help 😭

Tom’s spin in the chair is hilarious- peak comedy truly

“Can you imagine an unsnipped chinchilla???” I can now??? ALso both Sam and Tom breaking again, beautiful

“Have you ever seen a Rhino with a gun?” wtf??? “No??!?!” “thats the only thing i can compare this to Gavin!” I love how he keeps casually dropping in Gavin while Gavin has yet to name him

“How'd you just come in through the back of the store?” i see stagecraft is at play

AJ also knew it was coming but laughed anyway-peak

“Thats the least of your worries right now.” yes Aj, flip it on him!!! King

“Just on-just one!” Tom sounds genuinely afraid this is golden

Oh ma gods- the way AJ’s scream cuts off perfectly and he and Tom just relax the second Sam cuts off the scene is perfect

“Captain.” wait a damn minute- Captain??? Captain of the Police Force??? Not KING???? anyway-

“Five thousand people died.” damn. damn

also Tom laughing in the background, legs crossed and fingers steepled against his chin in proper Tom pose- i adore

“Theresa may.” Audience member i love you

And the way the roll with it too- gads i love them

Sam finally breaking when AJ actually “calls” Theresa May

Tom resigning himself to play Theresa

None of them knew where they were going except Tom but they all wanted to create a scene- loving the chaos- lukeeeee 

That door creaking sound was a masterpiece and idk about you but Sam is a positively fucking terrifying chinchilla omg-

“Gary…” that audience member is losing her mind at his name being gary and i adore that for her

“Do you remember me from ZE WARRRRR!!!” the chinchilla asked calmly

“NO ONE CAN STOP ZE NAZI CHINCHILLAS!!!” Ok sam, praise, i love you, but why does it always come back to Germans??? There are more than just the one-two wars 😭like he could've created a fake one??? Nevermind its not important its the funniest one and maybe he’s just holding space for luke

AJ laughing as he dies via chinchilla is crazy

Killing him again is low but necessary lol

AJ losing it even more is a joy XD

I gotta say, very impressed with Sam’s pronunciation and then gibberish of german

AJ trying to clear the stage but Tom just stays fucking spread on the floor lmaooo

“Hold please.” AJ what???? Hes enjoying himself and being chaotic as always but what??? 😭XD

“I can hear you doing motions but this is a phone call so…” yes AJ!!!! Call him out!!!! XD glorious!!!

“With my man.” AJ i think ur in the clear to give him a name- i don't think its been done- but playing it safe, i see- even though its never stopped you before, giving someone two names but like wtv thats not my business-

Sam just messing with Tom’s arm/hands (making him slap himself) even though AJ specifically pointed out it was unnecessary but we love an annoying king- and dragging him around by his hair lol

Paella??? Is this a call back??? Its only the short story, but im assuming AJ’s being a lil bitch and making Tom say paella again- also Sam’s “squid” motion for Tom was brilliant XD

Sam dropping his head on Tom’s shoulder to laugh- my heart

“Im glad to hear I sound normal to you.” 

“Hang up ze fucking phone!!!” 

“Everything okay?” the switch from chinchilla to Sam gave me whiplash hang on-

“Did he?” “yeah yeah yeah.” “...did he?” Genuinely curious- did he? “Well he said the word.” Aj i love you

“Where its gone.” Im sorry but they said it in sync and together in harmony and like obvi but it just gives me joy anyway-

“Fuck we should probably look for it shouldn't we?” yeah just maybe AJ. 

“Ill go down to the basement..” they both knows what gonna happen. “And see if its there.” both break. “What could go wrong?” thanks for saying the classic foreboding everything-will-now-go-wrong phrase sam

AJ’s shrug is such a mood i love him

“Ill see you upstairs.” “maybe.” if AJ doesn't die now I want a refund-

Tom: ominous basement noises

“Thats the music to the scene-” yes AJ, its like in movies- you don't address it!

“I already turned zis light on.” sorry sam but i thought the “chch” was the sound of a gun cocking-

“Hello cecily.” well thats terrifying-

“Franz Haberburg.” we get a Tom smile!!!! And AJ breaks as well, so cute

“The door is pretty closed and soundproof.” Sam what??? Poor Aj is gonna die XD- also AJ’s little laugh is my life

“HUSBAND! HU-HUSBAND!!!” “you don't seem to know his name.” XD Give the poor man a break Sam, hes been bullied for not remembering names enough times-

“I call him husband thats what we do its a cute thing.” AJ- still don't think he’s been named yet so you're free but like i respect it

“Who are you- well i know who you are- but what are you doing in my basement!” Now hes asking the real questions

“Until 1939.” the way Tom covers his mouth with his fingertips every time he laughs off stage gives me life- only the fingertips too- not the whole hand its- anyway

“What do you- what do you mean?” Aj breaking and Tom still laughing- asking the real questions now

“But it just wasn't racist enough-” Tom, previously: three white guys on stage, lets talk about racism, yeah, good idea

Why are they making the chinchilla- you know what i don't want to know the thought process- also Tom’s delight as hes watching is everything so its fine

“Your father is dead.” The audience who already knew this: *dramatic gasps* YES!!!! Finally a good audience who does all the proper dramatic gasps!!!

Dead tom enters the scene again!

“Have you ever zeen ze film terminator?” AJ’s back caving with a laugh, Tom twitching with laughter and Sam breaking mid sentence- i love these stupid goobers

Also the way AJ is gently cupping Tom’s neck-

“But no every single *grows quieter* chinchilla is a *laughs* nazi” AJ breaking- i love this skit omg XD-

“I-it-s im just stalling” good work AJ- very smooth, the audience has no idea. 

Aj actually stumbling when Sam ducked- and the sound his arm made is crazy(also the way he checked to make sure he wouldn't actually hit Sam- my heart)

“Sooounnnd.” that was angelic Sam wow

AJ’s slow NPC turn-

“Maybe move on from this bit-” AJ and Sam both breaking- probably wise, honestly

*uncomfortable AJ*

“HUSBAND! HUSBAND!!! THE CHINCHILLAS A FUCKING NAZI!” Sam’s completely break- he did not expect that right out of the gate- (nor did he probably expect AJ to live through the scene but whatever-)

Also tom casually in the corner now because he cant really move theyre in the way so just watching and grinning-

“HE *YOU* VERY VERY NEARLY GAVE ME THE HITLER SPEECH! WE WERE THIS🤏CLOSE!” Sam loosing it- oh and Tom escapes to the back

“AND I ABANDONED THE SCENE!” Aj is just publicly shaming Sam now-

“I GOT OUTTA THERE! BECAUSE I HAD TO!” explaining how tf he made it out of the basement-

“I HAD TO!” wayyyy too close to Sam’s face

“Have some beans” Aj: *rightfully confused because wtf?*

AJ genuinely loosing his shit and doing some strange drinking of beans and stagecraft

TOM AS THERESA!!! SHES HERE TO SAVE THE DAY!!!!

Sam also forgot about that character- or didn't expect Tom to dedicate to actually playing her- XD

AJ CASUALLY HAS A SHOTGUN WHAT-

“Wait-wh- one! Where did you get a gun-” wise questions Sam

“Two- this is the former prime minister. She tried to get the good Brexit deal- why are you pointing a gun at her?” Lmaooo Sam

Tom: *kills himself* Sam: *takes his time to get behind him to pretend like it was him*

“Theresa May is the best Nazi killer in ze world.” all three of them laughing before recovering really fast

XDXDXDXDXD sam having to alternate between his two [personalities- a comforting husband and a nazi chinchilla- what even is their life-

AJ- its a shotgun my love, not a machine gun. Sam- thank you for just staring at him for a few minutes, contemplating whether or not to point it out before ducking under all the bullets- even tho he’s been shooting for a while longer than you ducked, nicely done

“The other one…” AJ has no idea…

“And scene- thank you.” the pure relief-

AJ casually asking Sam if thats his drink before getting his actual drink- they’re so cute

Anyway that concludes todays one- thank you!!!

Also- this show had the best Sam faces- amazed that his besties can be just as unhinged as him sometimes- hes great at the random comments that completely transform a scene (cough cough, disciplinary meeting comments, cough cough) and then does an awesome job at pretending to be shocked/amazed/horrified when the others do the same- its hilarious- anyway thanks for reading!

@dawn-speckled @snek-of-eden hope you guys enjoy!